Learn about being. Being what you learn.

My journey into consciousness is coming to an end. For almost two years I have completely immersed myself in my favorite subjects. Science. Philosophy. Psychology. Mythology. Spirituality. It has been me and the books. The books and I. Quite a powercouple. I've been soaking up all the knowledge that one day will allow me to add my unique part to the puzzle of life. But even more important than the books are the experiences. You can only learn things by reading about them up to a certain point. Full integration and understanding requires an experiential component. Learn about being. Being what you learn.

I have cried in class. I have died in class (well, at least some of the old self defeating patterns have). Crawled around like a tiger in the wild. Slowly awakened my strangled inner child. Stared into the soul of my classmate. Seen how the most awful people are not worthy of my hate. Awakened my intuition. Separated science from superstition. Dissected my chakras. Read up on the tantras. Learned how to become conscious in my dreams. Seen how reality is never what it seems. Found my personal myth, and the power therein. Released imprinted ideas about natural sin. Slowly grown into the purpose of my soul. Reconnected my pieces to the transcendental whole.

Dark Goddess Secret #1 Lilith

Lilith, the original first woman was created as Adam's equal. Lilith was created from the same earth as Adam, and they were originally assigned to name the things in the Garden of Eden together. However, the idea of complete equality did not sit well with Adam. When Lilith refused to lie below Adam during sexual intercourse, they got into a big fight. Adam wanted to prove his assumed superior position, and Lilith realized that he was never going to accept her as an equal. Therefore, instead of succumbing to Adam's will, Lilith uttered the secret name of God and flew into the air. Lilith ended up living in exile in the desert close to the Red Sea. She was transformed into a demon, and removed from the later versions of the creation story.

I think the time has come to bring Lilith out of exile. Lilith is a symbol of the strength that is hibernating within us all, the inherent power to stand up for ourselves and claim our role as equals in all areas of existence. Lilith encourages us to explore our primal, instinctual sexuality. Through Lilith we can obtain the courage to be assertive when we need to, and stop succumbing to roles that are imposed on us from the outside. Lilith allows us to get in touch with our true nature, as Women of the Earth.

The Journey

Offering to Pele

Grasping

Change liberation
Comfort hesitation
Floating in thin air
While trying to
Grasp
The Essence of me
Oh, how I long to be free
From any constraints
Still I keep reaching
For this substance of
Me
Will there ever be liberty
In the cage of this
Ego I see?

Purpose, free will, and all that jazz..

Purpose. Does my life have a particular purpose attached to it? A soul mission safely stapled to the immaterial part of the complexity of me? I am slowly approaching the end of an era, and the emotional ambivalence within could not possibly have been any more heart-shattering. Both good and bad. I am mad, glad, and sad. Simultaneously. Now, that's some massive emotional turmoil. Sometimes you have to leave the comfort of safety and good influences behind in order to find your path. New layers of one's being are never uncovered in the steadiest of times. I left the most comfortable country in the world behind in order to pursue a line of study carefully designed to expand my mind (and not necessarily my job opportunities). I have let all the knowledge I have gained throughout my journey in consciousness studies mix and slowly simmer in the cauldron of my own subjective chunk of mind. That is of course what I prefer to think of as my own subjective part of the universal mind, whether there in fact really is such a thing is a whole other question. I have my own experiences. I see the world through my unique lens. But how much of that lens is affected by my interconnectedness with other beings? How much of my life has been constructed directly through free will; as in my imagined separate sense of free-will-individualism? I seem to be free, at least free enough to follow my inner sense of life direction. But where (on earth or beyond) does that sense of direction come from. Is there such a thing as a unique purpose for each individual's life, or is it just a matter of safely navigating oneself through one grand, old, random mess of coincidences?

Fragmented crystals
Floating beneath the
Surface
Of our eyes
A telescope for lovers
Separating the despair from the
Accumulated wisom
In the branches of the
Trees
Far beyond the edge
Of mundane restrains
United light
Cause no harm
To the observing
Rainbow

Dark surfaces...

... reflects light in unexpected ways 

Goddess of Fate
Pulling my strings
Waiting
Watching
Wondering
Whispering wisdom
In a language unspoken
Spellbound and bewildered
The watcher never sleeps

The power of mythology in an amnesiac society

Becoming acquainted with the universal themes that are addressed in myths can greatly enhance our understanding of the world and our place in it. Belief in the inherent power of these great tales have faded, yet they continue to pose influence upon our existence, only this time in an unconscious way. When a myth is consciously encountered it can be opened up to co-creation and exploration. But when it is thrown into the dark depths of the unconscious, its power as a guide and tool for transformation dissolves, and instead it may end up pulling your strings and making you a helpless puppet in the tale of your own life. 

To become consciously aware of and accepting the mythological characters that bear a resemblance to us and our way of living, along with exploring the deeper layers of our myth, allows us to connect with the archetypal forces that shape our lives. When we connect, we free up a lot of energy, and can use it to start co-creating our lives again. Through working with myths, we can learn to appreciate their influence and power as one of the cosmic architect’s most sophisticated forms of play. I see the importance of myths and think of them as blueprints of common patterns that occur in human behavior across the course of time. By becoming aware of the myth we find ourselves in the midst of, we can become conscious agents in the unfolding of our human adventure.

Man Machines

The one and only thing I have really ever imagined myself doing is writing. From the moment I learned to write at the age of three, I started composing poems and stories. I seemed to be tapped into a limitless source of creation and inspiration. If you gave me a blank piece of paper and a writing assignment, you could be pretty sure that I would have filled it up with a relatively remarkable piece before other kids had figured out what was up or down on their pencil.                                                                          

Where did the joy of writing go, and why did the secure writer withdraw? The answer to these questions is that the joy and the writer herself got strangled by criticism, both from within and without. From the first writing assignment I had in first grade, all I got taught was that I needed to limit myself. I learned how to shove myself into an appropriate box of regulations, as opposed to discovering and playing with my natural talent within the field. Everything I wrote was deemed to be too long and inappropriate. The contents of the stories did not really matter. The fact that I could make up entire species on different planets and portray their existence meant nothing as long as I did not know how to curl the letters in the correct manner. In fact the content of the written assignments did not really matter, it was the form and structure of the letters, and how similar they were to the model letters that mattered. Get into the proper form and structure kids, that is what really matters, don’t mind the creative force screaming inside, we will gladly provide a suffocation bag to put an end to that distraction.                

Early on I learned that the school system was not designed to foster creativity and promote new ideas. No, instead it was a breeding facility designed to bring forth exact copies of the people who have successfully pushed our very existence towards the edge of destruction. Man machines. Conformity is the key to a comfortable existence. Well, if that is the case, then please bless me with some turbulence, universe dearest.